Why I Love Restorative Justice

I talk about restorative justice a lot. Like a lot a lot. I’ll probably tell anyone who wants to listen why it is important and how it has the possibility of changing the world. Beyond just an individual institution or interpersonal relationship, restorative justice has the potential to change the way that we structure society and our cultures. Restorative justice reminds us that no one in our communities is disposable, harm will inevitably occur, and we need strong systems in place that hold others accountable in ways that repair harm and reduce the chances of harm happening again. Our current criminal justice and discipline systems do not do this.

As a reminder, restorative justice is a system in which, when incidents happen that cause harm, the focus is on the person/people/institution who experienced it and the person/people/institution who caused it. Restorative justice focuses on harm, accountability, and repairing relationships. The consequences and outcomes of restorative processes are responsive to what the harmed party needs and not arbitrary norms that don’t take context into account. It is a system that places the needs and desires of the parties involved at the forefront, and not the needs of the state/government/court system.

I first started becoming interested in restorative justice when I was working at a college that had a very specific set of outcomes for all given code of conduct violations. If a student was caught with alcohol underage, they got outcome X, Y, and Z. The context of the situation didn’t matter. That meant that a student who had been standing in a room with a beer in their hand received the same outcome as a student who became blackout drunk and needed a medical transport. This was because the system was focused on giving a “sentence” for a specific “crime”, not taking context into account. Something felt off to me about this system. It was punitive in nature, and we were trained to have conversations that were geared towards identifying whether or not the policy was violated. We were not encouraged to uncover motivations, needs, or contexts behind why actions happened.

Soon thereafter, I started learning more and researching about restorative justice. I started coming into it much more intentionally when I moved to Singapore. Then I had two experiences which really highlighted for me the ways in which restorative justice could transform how we thought about relationships, harm, and connection with one another.

The first experience happened when I took credit for an idea that one of my staff had shared with me. I did this in front of a large room full of people, where the staff was also present. They shared with me immediately that I had done so and that they were hurt by my actions and seeking accountability. Though I hadn’t done it intentionally, I recognised right away that it didn’t matter – the harm had already happened, and it had happened publicly. We continued to discuss the situation and I made an initial offer of accountability. I shared what I felt I could do to repair our relationship and address the harm caused.

Through a few additional conversations, we decided together how we could move forward in terms of our relationship, both professional and personally. I explained what happened to the same group the next day and credited this staff member rightly for their idea. I then explained what the larger context was behind this incident; that often more junior staff are not credited, and that men often take ideas from women and present them as their own.

This took less than 5 minutes in front of the group, and it was what my staff member and I needed to move forward together. And the most amazing thing happened – we got closer! It was a great experience for both of us to see that we could talk so openly about conflict and hurt feelings and come up with ways to address it together. We went on to have a great working relationship and even gave trainings on the topic together. Furthermore, I was given an opportunity to reflect on my own actions and consider how I could be more thoughtful and intentional moving forward.

The second incident happened a few years later when I was involved in a minor bike accident. I accidentally collided with a pedestrian and we both fell over. This resulted in the police being called immediately. Without going into all the details, I ended up being arrested and held for a day, before needing to visit the court several times. Eventually, I was informed that the case would be dismissed if I paid a certain amount to the pedestrian I collided with. I never interacted with the pedestrian after the initial incident, and I never said one word in court. It was a process that was happening to me, while I watched. And the incident was resolved with a financial payout, which was unrelated to what occurred during the incident (the financial payout was just a random sum, not an amount based on doctors’ visits, etc). Not to mention the inherent classism in a system in which you can buy your way to a case dismissal.

I realised that if a restorative process had been available, I could have the chance to apologise directly to the person. I could understand their needs better and offer to make amends in a way that would help them to feel the situation had been resolved. We would have been able to see each other as community members who had an unfortunate incident, for which I was responsible, and talk together about how to repair that harm.

These two incidents, one more casual and one involving the legal/court system, pulled me even further into my belief in the transformative power of restorative justice. Through the first incident, I was able to see how it can be used to enhance relationships, and how conflict can be generative and valuable for all involved. Through the second incident, I saw how stressful, upsetting, and dehumanising the criminal justice system can be and the vision for a different world that restorative justice offers.

Restorative justice is also something we can practice in our daily lives. When we think about conflicts we have with friends, family, partners, or colleagues, we can approach it in a restorative way. We can name the harm we have experienced and ask for what we need in return. We can move beyond just saying “sorry” for every incident and working to change our behaviour, so it doesn’t happen again. I use restorative conversations in my romantic and platonic relationships constantly. It takes work and might feel awkward at first, but it has enhanced these relationships because we are able to be honest with one another, as well as see that conflict isn’t inherently bad.

When engaging in a restorative conversation, there are three main components:

·      Facilitating reflection – asking someone to share their motivations or needs when something happened helps us to understand them better and also consider the types of outcomes we might want to see (for instance, understanding the motivation behind a friends’ binge drinking can help us identify how best to provide support). When facilitating reflection, we might ask questions like “what was your thought process when…” and “reflecting on what happened between us, how do you feel about it now…”?

·      Discussing needs and making plans to address them – understanding what needs are being expressed through behaviour helps us develop empathy and care for someone, as well as identify what we can also do differently in the future. We also need to know what our own needs are for repairing the relationship if we are the one who is harmed. This part of the conversation can be focused on what someone might do differently in the future, what parts of the incident they felt they had control over, and what they would need to reduce the chance the harmful behaviour happening again.

·      Accountability and restoration – the last part of the restorative conversation involves discussing what needs to happen in order to repair or restore the relationship. The incident can’t “unhappen.” So, we need to think about how to move forward. It can be helpful to have a collaborative conversation about how to move forward, with the harmed party also taking the initiative to share their own preferred outcomes. Maybe we just want a sincere apology. Maybe we want reduced contact. Maybe we want to take some time apart before reconnecting. It can be very empowering and refreshing to have this conversation so openly and directly with the person who has caused us harm.

The above is just a general outline of a restorative conversation and there are infinite amounts of nuance to it, depending on the context of the incident, the relationship between the parties, how many parties there are, etc. But this can give us a framework from which to being our journeys.

Moving forward, via Trident, I am now offering facilitation for restorative conversations and restorative processes. This could be as small as an incident between two people through larger scale incidents that affect many. There are many options for how to respond to incidents of harm in restorative ways and I sincerely hope that I will be able to work with folks on this. Having an outside facilitator, especially for incidents in the workplace, can be a useful strategy for being able to find restoration without feeling that the facilitator is taking a specific side/stance. Many folks are also new to restorative justice and not confident yet in facilitating these conversations, which is an added benefit of having an outsider.

Drop me a message at andrew@tridenttraining.co to explore restorative options for conflicts that have arisen in your life or workplace. I would be happy to discuss the options with you and work together towards healing, resolution, and reparation!